The Little Tug

My church has a service on Thursday nights, separate from that of Sunday mornings.  It’s way more laid back.  Sweatshirts are welcome and conversation is encouraged.  I used to go every single Thursday because I knew I couldn’t make it Sunday mornings because of work.  I’ve gotten away from that.  You know how it is…you get busy.  Other things take precedence.  Life just goes in a different direction.

I wasn’t too concerned about it because I was pretty diligent about reading and praying  and trying to stay as close to God as I could in the mean time.

We enrolled our dogs in an obedience school this summer because we hadn’t a puppy in while (we like adopting the old boys who give you little trouble and silly me thought it would be a great idea to try a puppy….she will be our last).  The classes were on Monday and Thursday nights and I remember on the last car ride home my husband and I committed to going to church on Thursdays again on a regular basis………that was about six months ago….and we haven’t gone…..once.

So tonight we had a great dinner and some family time at my mother’s and when we got home at five minutes to seven I remembered that a couple that I love dearly was speaking at church tonight…at seven o’clock.  Every excuse in my mind was racing as I looked at the clock but remembering how terrible we had already kept our promise I decided that it was time to start taking a few steps in the right direction and got my butt out the door.

I’m so glad I went.  The couple that was sharing are usually people who share about marriage…and they are great at it.  I was almost disappointed that Andy wasn’t coming with me because I thought he would miss something that we could both use.  Instead they shared about something different tonight.  I’m not here to regurgitate their message but I want to share what I got out of it.

You see…when Andy and I were first married my days were filled with so many obligations.  Every day I had off from work I had a list of twenty things to do on it and I like it that way.  Once a month I may have found a free day but that was a great day to catch up on tv shows or teach the dog a new trick.  As time has gone by though I have started struggling with something…and I was so unsure about what it was.  I said in my “get to know me” page that Andy and I have both lived a good life and I still don’t deviate from that.  We continue to live a very wonderful life.  We have worked hard to get almost debt free as soon as possible…we love each other and have a lot of fun together when the opportunity is there and our family is always near for a good time and support and smiles.  So why was it then that there were times I would lay in bed after a seemingly wonderful day…and feel…unhappy???  What was…the little tug?

I talked with Andy about possibly trying medication.  We talked about the long, cold winter and how that may have been affecting me…and we also thought about the demand of the amount of family time I had been having lately.  One thing we talked about was going to see someone…and I realized tonight…who that someone is.  My butt was supposed to be in church.

You see…we are all made with a gift.  That gift is supposed to be used the right way.  When we don’t use the gift…or use it poorly…we don’t feel right.  I’m not too sure what exactly I’m supposed to be doing right now…and I don’t even know how it’s going to be possible.  But I know that I can be far more diligent about getting to church on Thursdays and that is where I’m going to start.  I’ve heard enough testimony of God changing peoples’ lives from addiction and fixing marriages most would see as beyond broken…so finding a way for me to do what I’m supposed to do should be no problem at all for the Big Man.

I started this blog because I thought I had something to offer other people….I need to do that in the real world too.  I said in the “Hubby” page that I believe Andy and I are special.  Maybe we are supposed to be available to new couples in the church?  Maybe I need to try to get back in the children’s ministry?  Or maybe it is something I don’t know about yet but will somehow be the path I follow.  It seems so impossible that time would be available for something else in our life right now.  It seems so impossible that I would be able to ever attend church on a Sunday morning instead of work.  It seems so very impossible that Andy would ever be enthusiastic or outgoing enough to share our life with other people.  But….that’s the point of a testimony.  I can’t wait to look back on this post a year from now and see how the opportunities opened up the way they were supposed to.

The little tug I’ve had feels better tonight.  I think it will keep feeling better.  I hope that this journey I’m going to take into finding out what exactly I’m supposed to be doing, what exactly I have to offer and how exactly it’s going to be possible…will really help some other people tonight.

Robin said it best tonight.  She said not everyone has some crazy story.  There are plenty of everyday average people living everyday average lives looking for something more.  She also said that good is the enemy of great…I hope that I can find the great I am looking for…and maybe help someone else too.

Article by Brenna Cudzilo

Wife and world record holder of wing-sauce ordered with food not comprised of the words "wings, boneless, buffalo, et al.".

One Comment

  1. It is such a great step……again so proud of your insight. I can’t wait to see what this year is for you!

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