The Bar

It’s funny how things change.  Sometimes you don’t even realize they are changing but they are…when you’re not looking.  Andy and I have a bar 50 yards from our house that we love.  It has darts, pool and  cheap enough drinks.  We know the owner who looks out for me at times long after my hubby goes to bed on a work night and I stay with the ladies to dance off enough calories for a week.  We like this bar.  When we bought the house we loved that in the summer we could walk to it in about five minutes…I don’t play in the winter and I don’t care that it takes less than 30 seconds to drive…I’m driving.

But something has been happening since we married.  I’m not even quite sure what it is yet.  We still like to go…even though we do less often, mostly due to temperatures and money.  I still like to leave the hubby behind and catch up with my girlfriends on a regular basis…and have a dance party…especially when we are the only ones there…

So what happened tonight?  Our friends started to show up…and we all started having conversations…I wanted the music to be turned down and the lights to be turned up…Then Andy asked for me to take him the short ride home (because it’s about minus 20 degrees out)…and I wished I was going with him!  That was new for me.  We are used to splitting up.  Used to me always wanting to stay later…needing less sleep…having more fun…wanting to talk too much…we have come to this conclusion to keep our marriage happy…we know that he needs to call it quits long before I do and yet tonight all I wanted to do was walk in the house behind him instead of heading back.

Normally I would say that this is because I haven’t had much sleep lately.  I’m just too tired and I want to get sleep before I work a busy weekend.  Or I would say that it’s because it’s too cold out and I don’t handle the weather at all…(there is a constant battle over the thermostat in our house).  But tonight…it was different…it was different because regardless of the cold or the time…I just wanted to be home.  I did not want to be separated from my other half (roll your eyes here…we separate a LOT people…tonight was weird.)  I just didn’t care enough about what I was missing.  Normally the thoughts of a great dance floor party, a story a girlfriend hadn’t told yet or the threat of having the one friend out that we all have that never fails to produce drama…that would pull me back…tonight…I didn’t care.

I know some of you will say that this is what people call growing up.  This is what adults do and why they make “adult” decisions.  But this was even bigger than that.  This was me separating myself even more from the rest of the world and putting myself in my own family.  As of now that family consists of Andy and I and two dogs.  However as I have said before there is a constant debate in this house as to when we should have a baby (thankfully one of us is always for it, while one of us is always against…we’ve never been both on the same page at the same time ::does the sign of the cross::)  And while I rank my freedom as one of the “most missed” things I will grieve when a new baby comes…tonight…that didn’t seem like such a bad loss.

Maybe because I have had my nephews too much lately.  Maybe because I really am sleep deprived.  Maybe because I am in a funk and tomorrow will be a whole different story.  Whatever the reason…the facts tonight remain the same.  I am changing.  My old world is slowly being left behind while dreams of the new one become more appealing.  Some people might say this is the natural process of life, but I always thought of myself as the one who would still be “cool” with a kid.  One who would still have time for girlfriends or make time.  One who wouldn’t disappear.  Here’s some honesty for you….screw that.

I have friends with children…want to know when I see them? Never.  I think I know why…because they are busy parenting.  They are busy making memories that don’t involve shots of tequila.  Now don’t get me wrong…there will always be a time and a place for that night out and all those shots you have been missing…but it’s planned…it involves a babysitter that will cover you into the next afternoon while you can nurse that hangover.  And even for anyone that doesn’t have kids…(ehem…me)…your time and energy just become worth more.  A long day at work is not worth it just because your bff said “this is MY song!”….a day of little sleep and no energy is a wasted day because the rest of the week you have REAL things to do…

I guess I am just surprised at myself.  I said in the beginning of this blog that I have changed a lot in the last few years…I have.  I have gained new respect for my hubby.  I have cherished my parents more.  I have learned from other peoples’ mistakes when they didn’t even know I was watching…and I have shred friends like they were body fat on the biggest loser…yet tonight, in that bar…surrounded by friends…all I wanted…was to be home.  My home.  My bed.  With my hubby….call it growing up…call it being an adult…say that it is about time…but it is bigger than that…

It’s not just a realization that the bar isn’t so important…I’ve known that for some time…It’s the realization that through this life there are people you call your closest friends…people you would bend over backwards for…but the truth is…if you put half of that amount of effort into your marriage and your family you would be amazed at the results.  My husband doesn’t ask for much, but could you imagine if and when he did I dropped the world like I do for that friend who just had a bad break-up?  It’s not that the bar has changed…it’s that my loyalty has…and my goals…and dreams…

You see…when I watched Andy walk into our house tonight…I didn’t see my hubby who needed more sleep than I…retreating before the party was over…I saw something else…I remembered when Andy picked me up off the bathroom floor because I was sick about a lost friendship that cut me to the core…I remembered when he put me in the shower because I had too much to drink…I remembered when he rolled his eyes and said “yes” when I said “I want THIS puppy”…I remembered when he just sat and held me when no one showed up to a party I threw….I remembered….that Andy was my best friend.

Aside from knowing the bar isn’t important…we have to know what is.  It’s not enough to say you don’t need to go out…you have to also know what to do when you stay in…who to devote your time to..who to spend your energy on…what to do with that time…

Many people can avoid the bar, but then where are you spending that time? Are you bettering yourself?  Bettering your relationships?  Bettering the person you are and becoming the person you want to be?  Just staying home isn’t enough…decide to spend time with the ones you love…and the ones who love you…through and through…good and bad…decide to devote your time to becoming a better parent, a better mentor, a better worker, and better friend…and better partner.  Spend your time where it matters most.  There is always a time for a dance party and another round….just make sure that everything else in your life is in order first…and your priorities are straight.  This way when “YOUR song” comes on…you can dance to it with no regrets.

Article by Brenna Cudzilo

Wife and world record holder of wing-sauce ordered with food not comprised of the words "wings, boneless, buffalo, et al.".


  1. I know you started this blog for “someday” when you look back, but I love it! You should post on Facebook that you started your story. So proud of you, love Mom

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