Today I have had a few different emotions run through me. Since I’m new with this blog this still I’m trying to figure out what is actually relevant to write and what I should just let pass. To sum up most of the feelings I would have to say I have focused a lot on perspective. Andy’s family live down South where 60 is cold and snow is not seen. We live in New York where a man can feed a family if he owns a plow. A few days ago the temperature hit 40 after weeks and weeks of sub-zero weather. As I drove through town I laughed at some of the people out in t-shirts or how coats were hard to find. When I cleaned my house that day I opened up all my windows. The sun was shining and the breeze smelled fresh. It was like I could feel spring fighting it’s way past winter. Down south a day with a high of 40 would have kept everyone indoors. Perspective.
I have to be careful with my dreams. Sometimes I want them so badly that I forget to be grateful for what is already in front of me. Sometimes it makes me angry that redoing our indoor front porch seems so far away and that we will never be able to save the money. I have to remember the day I dreamed of owning a home. Sometimes I get frustrated with Andy when I feel like he is too busy to help me. Then I have to remember the day I dreamed he would be a hard worker and choose to marry me. Sometimes I get drained helping my sister with her little triplets. Then I remember what a blessing the babies are and how there are so many out there praying to be just a part of a child’s life, or that their children are healthy. Perspective.
I find the biggest one I struggle with is my house. I have so many dreams for this house and so many for the forever house I hope we move into someday. I work very hard at keeping the house clean and re-doing anything that is inside of our budget. Then sometimes I go to a friends’ house and get the green envy bubbling up inside me. I look around at how they may have more space, nicer floors or a newer bathroom. That happened today. I felt it coming up. Then when I came home I put my beautiful, perfect nephew down for a nap in the crib, let out the dogs that I wanted to rescue so badly, change over the laundry in my new washer and dryer that reside on the first floor (oh yea baby) and the grateful/blessing vibe started coming back. Then I turned from my dryer and looked at the white board I hang above the desk in the kitchen and realize I haven’t really updated it in about two weeks. It’s where I write groceries, short-term and long-term goals and sometimes just reminders. I have written a list for the next big trip we did to home depot or lowes (we usually wait until some special finance offer is given on the credit card like “not interest for a year” or something like that to splurge). I read that list and realize that in the past two weeks we have gotten half that list already. I found my file cabinet on sale at target, we bought more basement shelving with an old gift card last week and we picked up the last of the storage containers we needed for Christmas decorations and some organization. As the eraser ran over the board I felt the last of any ungratefulness or jealousy leave my body. What a blessing to be able to purchase so much in just the last few weeks. Perspective.
I think it’s good to always be looking forward, good to always have a goal and something to work towards. I think it makes us better workers when we know what we are working for and where we want to head in life. It’s also good to look back every once in a while. Look back and see where you started and how far you have already come. Look around your house tonight. Look at the newest few things you may have bought. Look at the family that surrounds you. Look at the food that might be in your fridge or the simple fact that there is a roof over your head. Wherever you are at this moment…step back and try to get some perspective. I find that even with just a little perspective, a short moment of reflection…my whole day can change. Choose today to open your windows at 40 degrees. Try to smell the spring. Don’t think about how it’s 80 somewhere…think about how its 2 degrees somewhere…soak up the sun…if you try hard enough you might even get a tan 🙂