I decided to leave the title of this post alone. My husband made it while he was trying to show me what to do. However it is still the first post so what better headline? I figured the first would be the toughest so I’m just going to try to write for a bit and get it over with and hope this gets easier with time. This blog was a new years resolution for me so I have been thinking about it for a few months now. Since I asked my hubby to make it happen (and he’s not always the fastest at getting things done) I had been writing just on the computer with plans to back-date once I started. Those writings just don’t seem relevant anymore though. I don’t know why. They happened just a short while ago, but I guess I just wanted the time to be accurate and the writing to be current.
So for this first post…in case someday I have “readers” or in case someday I am just looking back at this time in my life and reading this myself, I’m going to start with simply discussing my weekend.
Andy and I have opposite schedules. He has a 9-5 while I am a waitress which makes nights and weekends the most profitable. Saturday nights are usually our “date nights”. We do anything from going out to eat, walking the home depot, an occasional party, a target run or maybe a real bar to play some darts. Most of the time (especially this past very cold winter) we do whatever it takes to hibernate, cook in, have a few drinks and spend some time together. I love our Saturday nights. Andy doesn’t have to get up in the morning and since I am the only one of us two that can function on little sleep (I work Sunday breakfast) we usually stay up quite late and have the most fun of the week.
This Saturday was no different. I came home from work and we headed straight to errand-land. We went to target to fill our prescriptions (side-note for honesty and for possible future readers: mine is for birth control…having a baby WILL be a frequently discussed topic on this blog)…while we are walking the store we find a file cabinet. I have been searching for one of these since garage sale season last year and on the back shelf it sits for 30.00! Woop woop! So we pick that up and grab the few other things we set out for…cheddar cheese, milk and creamer…keep your pants on I know how exciting this read is for you. We get our scripts, grab some dinner and head on home before the night cold really sinks in and while Andy tapes his hockey stick (he plays in a recreational league on Sunday mornings while I work) I take my new filing cabinet upstairs and begin putting all of the strewn files in order. We both finish our jobs and together finish the laundry, one vacuums, one puts the curtains back up and another makes the bed and walks the dogs. It’s 11:00 pm before I blink and although we usually are up much later than this I was late with him the night before so tonight I choose to head up to bed before he does. He’s not too far behind me…taking his hockey game in the morning more seriously than most…and as he crawls into bed I can’t help but think these thought that I believe are what make this post relevant.
Andy comes up to bed and turns his bedside lamp on. I got irritated because I am almost asleep and the light bothers me. I had the fan set to where I like it on that just cool enough to need covers setting and he turns it down again. I debate weather or not to speak or stay in the half-awake, half-sleep mode I am in. I choose sleep. He then goes to brush his teeth…while leaving his light on and when he comes in to actually crawl into bed he is no ninja. All these things start to bubble up inside me. I start to think of my witty remark that I will use to “nicely” tell him I’m irritated…I start to think of what I can do during the nights this coming week when I’m the last to bed to irritate him. I start to debate if sleep is more important than any conversation…then my thoughts change.
I start to think about what the bed would be like with only me in it. I start to think about how lonely I would have been just by not hearing the sounds of the bathroom water running or the bed creaking when he climbs in. I start to think about how much more work the night would have been if I had to run to all the stores alone, pack up and unload the car, clean up the house…and how many less “files” I would have had. I start to think about these things and I start to think about how quick we all are to snap. I know some people are really good about this. Some people can get pushed so far and still remain calm….the rest of us…some days are better than others. On those bad days…man…I don’t know about you but for myself it can be something as little as a left open cupboard door that makes me want to scream. Then I remember…the post I read on facebook about the bride who died two months after being married from cancer. The groom who didn’t make it to his first anniversary because he was deployed in Afghanistan. The couple who would not only leave their cupboards open for life but would give their life just to have their child back whom they lost in a terrible accident. I remember these things and my attitude starts to change. All of the sudden the annoyance of the mattress being slanted towards Andy’s side becomes a comfort. The light from his lamp becomes warming and the cough or occasional pet of the dog reminds me that I am not alone and that someone else is helping me through this life (he is always the one to get up at night when they have to go to the bathroom).
I turn my annoyances into blessings. I do not do this every night. In fact I probably do this less nights than I growl half asleep and sound like the walking dead complaining about how now I’m too hot and he should make sure he stays on his own side of the bed. But…I’m trying. And for some reason…last night it was a very easy, quick switch. You see…it’s so hard to remember those things you love. It’s really hard to remember them when you are half asleep and know you’ve only got about four hours before that alarm goes off. But the harder you try, the better you get at it and the easier it becomes. I started a jar as another new years resolution. Every single day I write something nice about my hubby on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Some days I really have to think to find something to write….like really…REALLY…have to think hard. While other days I could fill ten pieces of paper before noon. The choice is trying to remember those things when it matters most. When you sit down to write a birthday card, or an anniversary letter it might be easier to think of all those nice things and write something heart-felt and romantic. But what about at two in the morning? What about when the light is on and the water is running? What about the fourth time you hit your head on the open cupboard door? What about the twentieth time you stub your toe on the vacuum left out?……well….try to remember then. Try to remember somebody pulled that vacuum out and got up all the dog hair so you didn’t have to…try to remember somebody made you a cup of tea just the way you like it and just missed shutting the cupboard door…try to remember that if all of those annoyances were not there…you would be very alone.
I talk a lot about choice. It was even a big part of my vows. I believe a lot in choice. We all get to do it and we all can go a million different paths based on them. Maybe that will be good post for tomorrow. But for this post the simple word will do. Choose. Choose to be happy about the annoyances because that means you are not alone. That means that someone else is with you and someone else is so close to you that they are stepping into your life. Someone else is walking beside you and doing this life with you every single step of the way……..and once you realize that….it’s so easy to be grateful. Love the one you’re with. Love everything about them. CHOOSE to love everything about them. Choose it every day. Even the days you really don’t feel like it…because I know one thing for sure…I do the same things to him…those same little things that drive him absolutely up a wall…and yet…I couldn’t even tell you what exactly they are because….I’ve never heard the complaint, the growl, the late-night mumble or the out right criticism. Andy must “choose” a lot better than I do. So tonight…like pasts nights…and like all nights in the future…I will try harder. I hope you will too.