Fair is fair…and all things mom

I’ve been thinking a lot about all things motherhood. And all things “fair”.  It’s been everywhere. News, Facebook, work, home…fair is everywhere. I see it when I see a page talking about white privledge, and what is fair. Or when politicians discuss health care and what is good for some is not good for others. It isn’t fair. I also see it with every “go fund me” page that crosses my feed. Like it depends how many “friends” you have and how many “shares” you get…it determines your financial gain for your cause. Just like how cancer research for small children is backed by big celebrities and given ample attention while small cancers that effect minimal populations have little to no funding. The world isn’t “fair”…those are the facts.

Every day that I parent my daughter I wonder if I’m doing things right. I wonder if I’m pushing too far or not enough. I wonder if I’m spoiling her too much because she is my only baby. We’ve been trying to have another one since she was six months old and every month that passes I feel like I hold her tighter wondering if she is the only gift God will grant me.

Because of that I wonder if I let her do too much. Let her get away with everything. But every time I tell myself I should “hammer down” or “put a stop to something”…there is a voice that says “but what if this is the only time you can experience this phase or this behavior or this trial?” When you think that, you get a LOT more patience, and quick.

You start to look at the world, and everyone’s birth order. You start to see why people probably are the way that they are. No wonder only children are a little entitled and probably expect the best from everyone…because that’s what they got growing up…I mean, if Ricklan turns out to be one of one…than that is the truth. I never pushed her to go to bed at a certain time, never pushed to get rid of the bottle and move to sippy cups, never pushed for her to self sooth because I am always available to help…

Now if she was one of five…things would have to be different. Because that’s just the way the world works. Is it fair? No. But it’s life. When there are five of you, someone is probably going to not get a lot of snack, someone is probably going to have to put themselves to bed, someone is probably going to not get the best seat for the movie and someone is probably always going to have to share.

Two different situations. Both hopefully ending up with good, kind, caring, compassionate people in the end. Because that’s what matters right? Not when you lost the binky. Not if you got a bowl of popcorn to yourself or if you had to share with four other people. Not when you learned to go on a potty or if you had your own room….what matters is that you look out for those who have less, you don’t lie, you trust in people, you care for others, make time for those who need it, understand your blessings and try to give to others. That is what matters.

When I taught school to little babies I used to have a saying. “Fair doesn’t mean everyone gets the same thing, fair means everyone gets what they need”. You might not have the same as someone else, but maybe you have all that you need. If we as a culture are always so busy pointing the finger at someone else saying “but they have this, and I don’t”…we will miss the bigger picture…the fact that they NEED it, and that we don’t. Or the fact that if we solve their problems, we’ll have more people, man power and money to work on our own. Sometimes someone else needs to go first. Sometimes we need to wait.

The same way that I tell my neices and nephews to take turns going first, is the same way we need to remember that letting someone else go first can end a debate, solve a crisis, or in bigger terms, funnel funds to someone else….if we’re just willing to put someone else first.

This world isn’t a fair place. There are millions of people out there who can tell you why. Everyone is brought up in a different situation, with different backgrounds, different advantages and disadvantages…it isn’t fair…but if we take a step back and try to give everyone what they need to succeed…maybe, just maybe, we can ALL get ahead in this world…weather we are first born..or fifth born..



Me and you, and you and me…no matter how they toss the dice..it had to be..


Article by Brenna Cudzilo

Wife and world record holder of wing-sauce ordered with food not comprised of the words "wings, boneless, buffalo, et al.".


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